Self-Importance.
The trap of self-importance is a form of isolation and a form of self-loathing. Even when
we feel somewhat close to others, it's still lonely because self-importance is a solo pursuit.
A need for self-importance stems from fear: the fear of others seeing that we have two
sides of which I call “light and shadow.”
Self-importance leads us to think we're the only ones who experience this fear which we're not the only ones. Self-importance might be called a form of self-absorption, and we'll go to great lengths to keep this hidden. We fear seeing this in ourselves and owning it, as well.
This of course keeps us from feeling authentic. If you really want to feel authentic, accept that you have pleasing aspects and not-so-pleasing aspects and be at peace with this. The knowledge that we're not always right, and that we do make mistakes, and we ought to reconsider our practice behaviors. Accept this so you can become whole again.
A good number of us are walking around pretending we are nothing but good and right, when we're not; and when we bump against this truth, it can freak us out a bit. This is why we work so hard and stress so much about keeping this fact and absence of wholeness hidden from others and ourselves, and why we deflect evidence of our flaws when
they're made obvious, usually with anger so the focus is shifted away from us. We get tripped up from time to time because the opposite of any good aspect we possess and demonstrate is always lingering next to us, ready to express itself if something motivates this into action.
Our interpretation of what it means to be authentic or true to ourselves can be misconstrued in a way that leads us to certain behaviors, like considering others to be and treating them, as less in some way than we perceive ourselves to be, such as less intelligent, equal, worthy and so on.
When we exercise self-importance and there's something in life or another person we don't like, we behave in certain ways, ways that are different than if, we are operating in an authentic manner that comes from confidence in our personal behavior. They tend to be high-strung and easily triggered. This is because they are afraid of what they might lose, and how easily this loss may happen, especially what others think of them, even when how they choose to behave seems to contradict this. It doesn't take much for them to feel threatened. Anything that's contrary to what they feel, they must have or must experience will cause this feeling.
They are stressed a good deal of the time for this reason. It takes a lot of energy for them
to feel safe, however for them feeling safe, it's something they never truly feel or feel for long. They'll pretend to themselves and others that they're strong and in control, but know
at their subconscious level that they don't believe this or feel it. When they're afraid, they come out fighting in one form or another. It's their attempt to feel in control again, though they never actually feel in control, it's a pretense they consistently confront.
One way, self-importance takes form in our lives is the extreme of wanting to be intelligently recognized (types of personalities.) What each have in common is the belief they are, or they have a strong desire to be considered elite in some way. This can happen to anyone, anywhere on the economic scale because it's an emotional and not a financial
matter.
No one's needs or input are as important as theirs, whether this strikes them at particular times or is a consistent practice. What others feel desire or need are secondary, if not irrelevant when a person is trapped in, or practicing any level of self-importance. They feel others are there to serve them so as to meet their needs, abate their fears and feed
their ego, each of which has a voracious appetite. The longer they remain in what I call the ivory tower, the hungrier their ego is and the more frightened and needier they become.
Let's put away judgment, it's easy for any one of us to go to the top of the tower at times,
or even to step over the threshold or climb a few steps. When we feel self-important, we believe the way to not feel so scared, or feel hurt by others and life is to be apart from or elevated above the fray, even if just in our own minds, isolated for the most part from what and who causes us to see, how insecure and unsecure, we may actually feel or believe ourselves to be.
It is the need to be elevated above others, and the need to be loved and accepted by them at the same time. It's definitely exhausting to all involved and it is always about self-acceptance, even though we burden others with this and expecting them to fix or supply
this for us.
It takes a lot to sustain the tower of self-importance, so everyone within the circle of influence is expected to treat them as, someone important and successful. When they
brag or go on and on about themselves, others are expected to listen in something like a state of reverence, or at least deference.
The self-important are moody, have hair-trigger anger and other emotions, and are often self-centered, though resist seeing this aspect in themselves. See what I mean about not judging: all of us can have moments when we demonstrate these behaviors and for the same reasons. But this can become severe, which usually happens, when the person is terrified the tower will come down, and who will they be then?
If others aren't focusing a great deal of attention on them and doing whatever it takes to make or keep them happy, or feeling secure or good about themselves, who are they? It's
a form of taking rather than giving, which closes or constipates the loop of abundance, be that financial, success, serenity, or anything else, but especially feeling loved. We have to be, and give that which we wish to receive; and we do receive what we give, based on the energy underlying any exchange. The balancing act of karma is exact.
We have the ladders we are told we have to climb, if we want to be somebody in this life, which really triggers self-importance. There are ladders for prestige, popularity, financial wealth and assets. Even if we climb them, we still might not feel authentic in the true sense of the word: strong in knowing, accepting, and loving ourselves and adapting generosity, kindness and respect. You recognize the interdependence of all things and all people.
Being authentic doesn't mean, you don't take care of yourself or look out for your best interests, you must and should. But, you do this with an attitude of grace and softness
rather than aggression or belligerence. It's in your best interest to stick around for a while, and discover what you need to work on in yourself, because they will reflect this to you.
When you're authentic, you know you're going to spend some time in your shadow side
but you are also dedicated to getting better at choosing to practice in believing in yourself. When you're authentic, you look for ways appropriate for you to be of service to others, while you also take care of yourself, rather than so focused on being self-serving.
When you're authentic, you experience a form of enlightenment that releases you from the shadow because you realize enlightenment is not elevation: it is integration. In fact, let go
of seeking enlightenment and seek integration through generosity, kindness, respect and humanity, which may be just as much an attitude or mind-set, as it may be an actual
product of being your true-self.
We're all in this sink-or-swim experience together. Your inner spirit will grow as a result,
and you won't need to be self-centered because of this expansion of your personal power. And when others do think you're pretty nifty, you'll appreciate this from a spiritual humility that feels wonderful and affirms your contribution.
Self-importance will eventually bring you to your knees literally. I had an experience of this recently, when I found myself having a relatively small self-satisfied attitude moment. My foot went out from me in that moment and I literally landed on my knees. Certainly, I knew that the combination of something on a tile floor and soles that do better on dry surfaces
could create a slip or fall, but I also knew instantly what it was really about. I quickly aligned myself with humility and an icepack.
Self-importance in its myriad ways of expressing itself the need to feel self-important, as
well as anyone and anything they interact with and others, who don't appreciate being
made to feel less than, will become defensive or take offense at the energy spiking out at them.
You want to be on your feet not in a heap on the ground or on your knees except in gratitude. Walk your path in reverence for humanity and life. We are all vulnerable in one way or the other. No one's journey is easy or free of fears, no matter what it looks like on
the surface.
It's remarkable and lovely to feel the humbleness of making a real difference large or small, versus a "See!-I am-Special!" trap of the frightened ego-aspect. Ask yourself often what it is you want to contribute while you're here, what you want your personal legacy to be even if it's a silent, less-obvious one.
No one sees the world the way you do, but you.
Stay well and safe always.
Life-Changing Decisions by Author Julia G. Smith
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