Signs and red flags your relationship is going nowhere.
In some romantic relationships too much love explodes and negatively into jealousy
and obsession. Both partners are repetitive and intrusive trains of thought that are unrealistic, anxiety-provoking and unproductive. They erode love's positives. They
become habits. This obviously is in no term a healthy and solid relationship. You feel
like you can't get him or her or yourself to commit? There might have been red flags
along the way that you missed.
Here's how to tell, if your relationship is not on the right track.
You never talk about the future. It’s great to live in the moment, but if you don’t make
plans for what's next, your relationship could end up being short-term. Making future
plans is a healthy and essential plan for a growing relationship. It’s also an indicator of
the commitment you have to each other.
He told you that he is not the marrying kind, or that he is afraid to end up in divorce like
his parents and like some of his friends. This seem like an obvious barrier to a serious relationship, but many women ignore it when men say this, thinking they can change him. It's time to start taking him at face value. If he shows you or tells you who he is, then
believe him. It will save you a ton of time and energy. Wake up! You’re Mrs. Right Now,
for the right person, who truly believes in marriage and you.
If you are keeping a partner on the back burner, don’t expect a commitment until you take the plunge and jump in with both feet! Having other men/women in the periphery is often
an indication that you know the main guy/gal isn’t the best match for you, or that you are scared to take the leap of faith into intimacy with a commitment.
You have nothing in common except sex. If all you have in common is what happens between the sheets, it may be hard to achieve the level of intimacy you really desire.
Having “Hot sex” is more than satisfying and can give you a perpetual glow, but it’s
not enough to make for a healthy balanced relationship. All you have in common is sex
and the willingness to use each other only, as companionship for the short term with no serious commitment and responsibilities.
If you are missing this one important ingredient in your relationship, it is likely there will
be no next level. You do not need another friend or a future roommate, or a part time girlfriend or boyfriend. A solid relationship usually encompasses a best friend, a lover
and a forever companion.
You live together. If you’re already doing all the stuff that goes with married life without
the formal commitment, there may be no motivation to move things to the next level.
The old saying ‘why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?’ says a lot. In my personal opinion, thinking of us as cows is degrading, but the overall meaning makes
sense. Some men are more likely to hold off from moving a relationship forward, when
they are content and already getting what they want.
My parents were happily married for over sixty years till death did they part. Unfortunately for many, his/her parents are divorced. Sometimes, parents can give us a negative idea of
what marriage is, or instill a lack of trust in us through their actions. Our relationship role models are often our blueprint. It may be all, he or she knows. If your man feels this way, it
is important to talk through his issues and help him understand that your relationship is something totally different.
Perhaps none of his/her friends are married. If his/her friends aren’t in serious relationships, he/she may be less motivated to take the leap. If his or her friends all have a bachelor/single mentality, there is a good chance it can rub off on him or her too. Who, we surround
ourselves with often explains our behaviours.
You are both acting like you are single. Even though you are coupled, you are still staying out ’til all hours, hanging out with friends more than with each other. If a couple want a more serious relationship, both parties need to approach the relationship with an “us” instead of “me” mentality. If you are enjoying other people’s company in groups more than the two of you being alone, you are likely not content with what you have together.
You do not make time for the relationship. If one or both of you is putting work, family or friends first, it’s time to get your priorities straight, if you want stay together. If your relationship isn’t your priority, then your relationship is likely not being nourished, which can
create resentment and distance.
It would be in your best interest to make your desires clear. You should always make what you want clear from the very beginning, and be true to yourself. If he or she does not know how you really feel, he or she may not understand that moving things forward is important
to you. So tell him or her!
You should not stay with a man or a woman, if you are afraid of telling him or her of what you need and want in a relationship. It is best to be out-front and honest. You keep things casual, because you are afraid of scaring him or her off. You’ve given him or her the idea that you could take him/her or leave him/her. This relationship will go nowhere until you come clean. If your intent is to be in a casual and uncommitted relationship, be straight
with him or her and do not “string” them along.
Being scared means that you are now giving that person too much credit and power that
he or she doesn’t deserve. You have to lead with your true self from the very beginning,
and if he or she doesn’t like you, for whom you are then it would be in your best interest to end the casual relationship.
You know he or she is not the one, but you are keeping him or her around as a backup
plan. This is one plan that will never lead to a happy ending. This is an act of desperation that will only lead to a further heartache and depression. You are now setting yourself up
to fail.
If you have missed important milestones, such as calling your boyfriend or girlfriend, or saying I love you, then you may be way off the path toward the next level of your relationship. It would be in your best interest to start making up for lost time now, even if it means going on your first date again!
My personal opinion is, there are many reasons couples skip over the traditional steps. Maybe you are in a long distance relationship, or you got off to a whirlwind start and
threw caution to the wind. In any case, missing these 'checkpoints' means, you both lose
the chance to assess the relationship and look at your partnership in a more serious light. Any relationship that happens too fast ends just as fast.
You haven’t travelled together. Traveling together encourages you to navigate new
territory and experience exciting and unfamiliar situations as a couple. It can be an
essential step in really getting to know your partner. Traveling is the best form of bonding and when you travel with a partner, you learn a lot about that person’s habits and character. Then you can make a decision on whether or not, you can live with that person’s habits.
So, get up and go somewhere exotic destination not required.
You do not have your own life, if you are always waiting around for him or her; it has no incentive to get more serious. You do not need to make him or her feel like, he or she could lose you, but make sure he or she knows, you have a life as an individual. If you always
need them to be around you that can be a complete turnoff. Both parties need to have confidence in themselves and each other. It all comes down to trust and being faithful to each other.
Your relationship exists online. It is fine to meet your partner online, but if you do not take the next step and meet in real life, then taking another step forward will be even more unlikely to happen. You need to get out of your room, log off your computer and step
outside. There’s a whole world out there! “Meet real people and actually face them. Look into someone’s eyes, and smile at him or her instead of at your computer screen. With this being said, please be extra cautious of whom you meet and date. It would be in your
best interest to learn more about their past relationships, through other people they know.
It is good to know more about their family background, as well.
If you never express your true feelings or discuss real issues, your relationship will forever be on that polite plane, usually reserved for acquaintances. Having serious discussions is essential and healthy in any relationship. Stop living in a glass bubble and actually feel some emotions because in the end, it will only bring you both closer together. And if it doesn’t, then it was not meant to be!”
If a man or woman does not want to be in a long term relationship, they will not commit to you. Have a frank discussion with yourself and with him or her to decide, if you both are in
it for the long haul.
Do not encourage family and friends to intermeddle with your relationships, and to make decisions for you. It is a red flag that a partner is not capable, or responsible to make
his/her own decisions.
He is not financially stable. No matter what you want in life, you must give up something
to get it. The greater the value of what you want the greater sacrifice you will have to make. The truth is; it is from hard but continuous dedication that brings lasting results. There are
no short cuts, easy streets or detours. Expect to sacrifice, if you want to make your life better. The bottom line is do not let financial instability, or setbacks to destroy a loving relationship at the expense of being unable to work things out together, and to share the difficult loads together.
You feel that you were taken for a ride or taken for granted, and your significant other cheated on you, despite of these overwhelming disappointments, all of your efforts to resolve and amend the relationship were in vain. You believe that it hurts more to stay.
Do you feel it is time to go?
Perhaps, it is time to free yourself and to find someone else, who truly cares for you.
Only you can make this decision without pressure from anyone!
All relationships benefit from a bit of a devilish, positive, mischievous, playful, fun
approach. Individuals and couples take life too seriously too much of the time. We need
to come to life again and be light in the heart and mind.
Life-Changing Decisions by Author Julia G. Smith
Visit Life-Changing Decisions Page on Facebook.
Visit My Blog.
http://lifechangingdecisions.weebly.com
[email protected].